Bryckosphere Resuscitation

I mean the title really explains everything. I'm quite in and out with this blog, that's the nature of depression and identity. But I've recently done some serious reflection and I want to bring the blog back, as a way to organize my thoughts, share them with whoever ends up reading, and to open myself to the world while being semi-productive. 

I have a lot of thoughts, I do. And recently, I've had some serious reflections about my personal identity, which to be honest I totally lost track of over the course of COVID and have really struggled to maintain since my depression began and especially since I first came to university. I cried to like 3 different sets of people. It was super liberating and emotionally validating. Granted waking up has kind of put me into a state of "oh shit" and given me a lot to process. I realize I kind of need this outlet again for my thoughts because I don't have anywhere to put my political rants and other thinky thinks.

One of the things I realized during the pandemic is that every human needs some kind of productive output and evidence that that production is meaningful to either their lives or the lives of others in order to, well, live. During the pandemic, however, there's so much more consumption going on due to the world being accessed now through cyberspace than there is production, and the production quality has in turn fallen because of people's inability to access the resources they need to produce good content and work and because of a work-life imbalance due to the inability to physically get out in the world and work.

So maybe nobody will read this, and to that I say that's alright. I'm producing this for me. Not everything should be made with the expectation that it gets consumed but it doesn't hurt at the prospect of being able to make some money off of someone potentially finding meaning in it, so it goes out into the algorithm and gets spewed into the feed of carefully or perhaps randomly selected users. But maybe it's immoral for them to view it. If you want to make a positive impact and have people truly care then you would only produce the material you think is worthy of other people's consumption. But the pandemic has dropped those standards in the name of survival. We live in a hilariously unequal world, not just in pure coin but in meaning. But sometimes you just have to be a little selfish for your own survival.